I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
