Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
