Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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