I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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