WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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