Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
