i wish peter jackson would direct porn
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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