I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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