The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
