I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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