I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
