tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
