i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
