Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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