That's when you crack a 10am beer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
