Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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