Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
