I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So vagazzling was a success
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
