you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize