Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
