exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
