I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
