so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize