So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
