She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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