I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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