Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
