He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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