first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize