my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
