shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
