four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
