I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
