Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
