Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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