Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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