you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
