I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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