okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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