im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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