I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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