Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
