Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
