what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
