This girl is more easily done than said...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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