I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
