I heard we made out
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
