I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
