i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what day is it and did you see me today?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
