New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
