It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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