I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
