Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
