Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
