Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
