Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
