I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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