my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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