Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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