jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
