she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize