is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
