Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize