i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
