I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
