I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dignity is for republicans.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
