Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
