new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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