1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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