i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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