I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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