new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
