Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
