I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
