should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
