My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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