Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
