I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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