Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
