Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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