just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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