so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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