a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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